okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
