Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
