before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
