I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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