Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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