I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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