I can text with my tongue
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize