Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
