Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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