white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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