I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
