so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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