party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
