i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize