Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
