Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
