I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
