Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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