I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
