i think my mom watched the whole time
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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