Kareoke will never be a sober sport
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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