that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
