3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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