I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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