Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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