lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
