Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
