Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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