So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
