Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
