I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
