Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize