I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
