are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
