I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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