We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
