nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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