she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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