I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
