this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
