Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
