how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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