if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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