He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
