he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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