he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Randomize
