He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
