I wannas sexs uuuuu
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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