Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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