I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
