i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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