hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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