Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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