I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
