It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize