Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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