i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
