I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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