Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
