I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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