I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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