According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
