Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
