I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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