Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
