i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
