shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
