She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
