Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
