need another drink. this is the easiest way
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize