There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize