I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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