Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
