Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
