So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
