I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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