dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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