Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
