I will die if light touches me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
