You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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