I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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