did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
