Having a random hookup so left but love u
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
