I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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