So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
