He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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