I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
