It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize