either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
