My nipple is on Facebook.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
